AGONY ADVICE: More reader dilemmas answered

WILL MY DAD EVER ACCEPT ME BEING IN A SAME SEX RELATIONSHIP?

I’m gay and I left my husband to be with the woman I love. It was traumatic at the time, but I’ve come through it and feel so much better for not living a lie any more. My husband was actually really understanding - he said he’d suspected for some time - and we’ve stayed friends. He’s now with someone else.

ALSO READ: Fiona Caine with more reader dilemmas

My mum and brothers were fine, but the problem has been my dad.

He and I were never really that close - he gets on well with my brothers and he liked my husband. It was six months ago and he’s not spoken to me since.

I tried to contact him at Christmas but he blocked my calls. Is there any way I can persuade him to accept us?

FIONA SAYS: IT MIGHT TAKE TIME - BUT IT’S HIS PROBLEM

Sadly, sometimes when people hold entrenched views, it’s very hard to get them to move past these and change their minds. It can be done but, usually, it’s something that takes time.

It may take weeks; it may take months; it may even take years; before your father accepts you and your partner as a couple together. It may be that, sadly, he never does but at the end of the day the loss is really his, not yours.

THE MAN I’VE BEEN SEEING DIDN’T TELL ME HE WAS MARRIED

I have just found out the man I have been seeing for the past year is married. We met online during lockdown, and so I didn’t really know much about his background. I was just happy to be with someone, even though we couldn’t see one another as often as I would have liked - I assumed it was because of all the restrictions.

He didn’t tell me he was married, and I think he was shocked when I bumped into him and his family at the local cinema. It was really embarrassing - more for him than for me, I expect - but I avoided making a scene in front of his wife and children.

When we did next meet up, we had a really nasty row and said a lot of hurtful things about each other. I was angry about being duped by him, and said I was going to tell his wife what he’d been doing for the past year with me. At this point, he became very aggressive. I had never seen this side of him before and it shocked me.

I do still love him though. Why do I still want to be with him, even though I now know he’s married?

FIONA SAYS: YOU DESERVE SO MUCH BETTER

Yes, why do you want to be with this man? He’s a liar, he’s a cheat, he’s aggressive and he can be violent.

Surely you know deep down you’re worth more than than this - and if you don’t, then I think you need some help in boosting your self-esteem.

Wanting to be with him may be academic anyway. He has already distanced himself from you and, if you’re honest with yourself, you already know that this is the only sensible outcome. He’s not going to leave his wife, and even if he were, would you really want to be in a relationship with someone who can lie, sleep around, and be violent?

As you’ve threatened to involve his wife, I suspect he won’t want to run the risk of seeing you again. You are, I’m afraid, in for a painful time, because much as you don’t want to hear this, I think it really is over between the two of you.

If I’m wrong and he does drift back into your life, things will never be the same between you now that you know the truth. Your relationship will be furtive, sneaking and underhand, so please try to move on and call an end to things yourself. It will hurt, but at least you’ll be free to look for someone who can respect you and who is genuinely free to return your love.

If you think he is really the best you can get, then please talk to your doctor about your self-esteem. Perhaps you can get some counselling that will help you realise how much better you are then you seem to think.

Email help@askfiona.net for advice.