AN AWARD-WINNING charity leader, author and public speaker from Basingstoke is sharing her story with the community, to help encourage more open dialogue about the life experiences we have all been through.

Claris Angafor is an autism advocate, and was inspired to set up her charity CAN-Abilities by the needs of her 15-year-old son, Lesra.

She told the Gazette of the struggles she faced when Lesra was diagnosed with autism, and the lack of support she felt was available to families in that position.

The 43-year-old said: “We have a 15-year-old who is autistic and he is non-verbal. There is not much known about autism, and even if people know about it they don’t know what it’s all about. It’s an invisible disability and because of that it makes it difficult. Autistic individuals and their families are isolated and that can lead to depression, if you don’t explain to someone what you are going through.”

Claris and her husband, Giddeon, along with other members of family and friends, decided to create a place where people can seek that support, while educating the wider community on the condition.

“When my son was diagnosed it was quite difficult, but when I started raising awareness it became easier to not feel isolated,” she said.

“Sometimes, when you get a diagnosis, you have to struggle on your own, but we can sign-post to other charities. Talking with another person is letting them know they’re not alone. Knowing that they will be heard and they won’t be judged. Talking with another person is giving them hope that a diagnosis is not the end of the world. It’s actually the beginning of so many good things.

“It’s a process - I have been there, I have struggled with accepting.”

Claris explained that, for many, learning that your child has autism comes with a grieving process, and this is not something to be ashamed of.

She said: “Especially people from black and ethnic minorities, we struggle with accepting our children because we have this norm of dreaming of the perfect child we want to give birth to. When we are dealing with a ‘label’, we go through that grief part, to grieve the child we thought we were going to have. It’s not a weakness, they are necessary emotions. In order to get to the acceptance stage we must let ourselves grieve.”

Claris says that Lesra has enjoyed getting to know others through the charity work.

“He has got quite a lot of friends. He is a lovely, friendly lad,” she said.

“Sometimes people just recognise him by his voice, the sounds he makes! He has a lot of friends around the town, young and old.”

Lesra’s younger brother Gicles, 10, has also been able to feel less alone as part of CAN-Abilities. He is involved in young carers’ online sessions, and in 2019 did a presentation at his school, Hatch Warren School, to tell his peers about autism and raise awareness.

Last year, Claris was recognised on numerous occasions for her community work.

She was presented with Mother of the Year (on International Women’s Day 2020); Women Appreciating Women’s 100 Most inspiring Women; and Black History Month Basingstoke, Community Achiever Award.

“It was such good news to me. I have never been recognised before, and in a year I got three of them,” she said.

As well as her advocacy work, Claris has recently opened up about her experience of losing a baby in 2017, which has since prompted her to write her debut book, Grief to Grit.

Explaining its purpose, she said: “The grit is about the passion and the courage. Being able to change that grief into something positive in the end.

“We do not only grieve the dead, but also situations, like relationships for example.”

Since opening up about her own struggles, Claris has discovered she has an opportunity to encourage others to give their stories a voice.

Through her work as a public speaker, and online show ‘The Voice of Hope Media’, she is now broadening the scope of her community work.

“I discovered that my voice has an impact in the community,” she said.

“Once I stand up to speak, I feel the reaction from people and I know that I have touched a life, a mentality.

“I looked around, and there are so many families going through a lot of challenging issues and have not felt able to talk about those experiences.”

Claris is now encouraging others like her to find the ‘power’ in their histories.

“Bottling them up has long term effects, so I discovered just talking things out is a form of healing. Especially in black and ethic minority communities there are certain topics people think are ‘emotional’ or ‘sensitive’ and never talk about them. They shy away, maybe out of shame, or pain, or other reasons. So I decided I would create a forum, a platform where people would feel able to talk about it and know someone will listen to them, not judge them or stigmatise them.

“Through this platform, I educate, inspire and give hope. I know that each experience lived has the power to transform lives and I know first-hand when you give a voice to one story there is power in that.”

In light of International Women’s Day, which was celebrated universally on March 8, Claris is organising a virtual community outreach session on March 13. It will feature women from across the world, including some from Basingstoke, and, in line with this year’s theme of “choose to challenge”, it will focus on women giving that power to themselves.