We'd need to go back to Bannockburn to find Scot good enough for team GB ... it's enough to gie you a riddie

HELLO, it's me, Craig Brown. CRAIG BROWN. What do you mean, who'? Surely you remember me? Former Scotland boss, remember, back in the days when Scotland were actually hard to beat and did occasionally qualify for things?

Yes, THAT Craig Brown. So, what am I doing here on the pages of this column? After beating Elgin 2-1 in the cup, Spartans are now in trouble for playing an ineligible player. The Scottish FA have asked to see the registration papers for Spartans talismanic star King Leonidas. Gordon Strachan has fined and suspended Aiden McGeady for Celtic's next two games. It's a bold move but with the Old Firm match looming and Celtic stuttering of late, it has got the fans right behind the Celtic boss - the Rangers fans, that is. Danny Invincible is okay after receiving a head knock at Fir Park on Monday although the player says he has no recollection of what happened. It's believed that the entire Motherwell team had also received blows to the head because it appeared they had no recollection of how to score or defend. Hibernian's Filipe Morais has been fined £500 after a rammy at a Casino. The club told the player they don't encourage gambling amongst their players before offering him double or quits on the cut of the cards. Kyle Lafferty could be in trouble after saying that at Tannadice, Rangers were playing against 14. We assume he meant the 11 Dundee United players plus the officials. That being the case shouldn't he have said Rangers were playing against thirteen? After all, isn't the general consensus that the referee, Ian Brines was worse than a man short?

Well, I've been asked to be the figurehead for an anti-team GB petition called no to team GB'.

Personally, I wanted to call the petition something more purposeful and to the point like, Excuse me, forgive me for saying so but you do know what'll happen if we say yes' to this team GB idea so let's say no' before we end up regretting it'.

But the organisers felt that title was possibly not quite snappy enough. I have to say, I totally disagree but there you go.

Why am I and many others against the idea of a Team GB? Well, it would be easy to say I'm against it because if we go with a team GB, then knowing what a sneaky shower Uefa and Fifa are then that'll be the end of team Scotland, but it's not just that.

I just feel that if there is a team GB we, as proud Scots, would have to suffer the ultimate big riddie of having no players in it.

I mean, seriously, without meaning offence to any of the honest triers or just plain diddies currently donning the dark blue, how many do you think would make team GB?

True, there might be one or two in the squad, but that would just be to patronise us and be used as a wee pat on the head - after removing our jimmy bunnets and wigs beforehand, naturally.

I mean, Barry Ferguson - or Bazza to give him his GB title - might get a slot on the substitutes substitute bench. But after that, you'd need to go back to Bannockburn to find an eligible Scot.

I think it's important that we keep our national identity, especially when it comes to identifying our nationality.

So I'm pleased to see that wee Scots - and big Scots too - will benefit by these new proposed plans to re-vitalise, re-invent, re-hash, re-structure then re-bury Scottish football.

This is all thanks to George Peat who surely must be the man most eminently qualified to do this because he looks like a committee man from the local bools club. This re-vamping could mean a massive streamlining of the three bodies it takes to run our game.

For example, some the important high-powered jobs at risk at the SFA could include Operations Executive of Operations, Head of Expenses, Overseas Trips Officer, Pointless Overseas Trips officer, Executive Hirer of Kilts for Scottishy things, Head of free tickets for pals, Head of bagpipes, Head of hiring increasingly ridiculous people to sing Flower of Scotland at Hampden and then there would be the people whose jobs are not necessary.

Personally speaking for myself, I take great interest in the proposal to introduce a pyramid system of promotion and relegation.

To be very honest, I'm not sure about a pyramid system. I mean, is Egyptian football really the model we should be looking at?

At the end of the day, though, everyone with a nice cushy admin job is really enthusiastic and determined to revolutionise our national game and push this through so that can mean only one thing - nothing will happen. Blame it on the names

WE could be seen as being controversial, but we'll say it anyway - are Rangers fans a wee bit fickle?

One nil up and cruising at Tannadice, the fans were having a party. Two one down? Silence. Two apiece? Party back on again. Final whistle? Boo the teams off the park, blame the ref for something, anything.

Then bombard phone lines with complaints that the team isn't the same since Barry Ferguson came back, David Weir is too old and Kris Boyd does nothing.

Is it just us or is it only ever the Scottish players who get the blame whenever anything goes wrong?

Maybe if the afore-mentioned players changed their names to say Barrio Fergusoni, Davor Weiris and Kristus Boydini the fans might appreciate them.

By the way, congrats to Chris Hoy on winning BBC Sports Personality of the Year. We've heard he's already been snapped up by Rangers and will be holding training sessions at Murray Park for all those players on their bikes in January. Sounds like a ding-dong

ALARM bells have been ringing over the Hoops' defence's inability to keep a clean sheet for ages now. And on Saturday those alarm bells reached Big Ben proportions against Hearts.

When big Mick equalised there was only one thought in the mind of every Celtic fan - could the defence hold out for the remaining 11 minutes and scrape a draw?

Of course, the big question after Celtic had almost dropped a full three points was who to blame?

The linesman for not flagging Andrew Driver offside? A European hangover after Villarreal?

Tactics? Initially going with a two-midget strike force but still playing high balls into the box? Or was it all just down to McGeady?

According to an insider' - another word for insider', a clipe' - Strachan and Aiden had a set to on Saturday.

Could this lead to allegations of favouritism from other players jealous that McGeady is singled out for special blame? Naturally, the player's agent denies all knowledge of any fall-out between player and manager. So if an agent is saying it, it must be true. Right?