IF YOU’RE at a loose end on Sunday, why not come down to the Soccer AM Stadium to watch me try to get the better of former Tottenham and Switzerland centre-back Ramon Vega?

There’s a sentence I never thought I’d write, but I’m pleased to announce that I’m the latest celebrity star turn who will be taking part in this weekend’s charity game between a Basingstoke XI and Soccer AM.

Okay, I admit, my appearance is unlikely to put as many people through the turnstiles as Ralf Little from The Royle Family or even Soccer AM’s own Max Rushden, but if you want to see a someone completely compromise their credibility as a football reporter, it’s the place to be.

My emotions leading up to the big game are distinctly mixed. On one hand, it’s an amazing opportunity that I am really excited about. On the other, as a ‘footballer’ more used to playing heads and volleys with his mates in the local park, the thought of playing against former professionals in front of hundreds of people fills me with dread.

I spoke to Jason Bristow, who will manage the Basingstoke XI I am playing for, after Saturday’s game against Havant and Waterlooville.

Obviously, only a handful of family and friends will actually be at the ground to see me in action, so I expected him to tell me that I’d be coming on for five minutes at the end.

When he told me that I’d get a decent amount of playing time, I was delighted, but it does mean that I will have far more opportunity to completely show myself up.

He then asked me what my position was. For someone who has spent the last 15 years playing five-a-side, that’s a more difficult question than it sounds.

I plumped for striker, in the hope that I could run around and look busy, without doing any major damage to the prospects of my own side.

Unfortunately for me, my direct opposition will be Vega, a former Premier League player. He’s 43 now, so I do have 11 years on him, but I fear that may not be enough.

Since being asked to take part, I’ve spent an unhealthy amount of time fantasising about nutmegging Vega and making use of my ‘floater’ (power toe-poke) style of free-kick to leave comedian Angelos Epithemiou, who is playing in goal for Soccer AM, dumbfounded.

My main worry is that a presentable headed chance will fall to me. I am terrible in the air, with the ball just as likely to make contact with my nose as my forehead, while I never quite mastered the art of directing headers.

Either way, it should be entertaining to watch. I may never live it down, and I can only imagine what the Town players, who I mark out of 10 every week, are going to have to say about it.

The action gets under way at 3pm and the good news is that it’s all being done to raise money for charity Street League, with admission costing £5 for adults and £1 for under-15s.