Seventh Son (12A, 102 mins)

Starring: Ben Barnes, Jeff Bridges, Julianne Moore, Alicia Vikander, Kit Harington, Olivia Williams, John DeSantis, Antje Trauer, Jason Scott Lee, Djimon Hounsou, Timothy Webber.

Director: Sergei Bodrov.

Released: March 27 (UK & Ireland)

THERE'S a simple rule of thumb to deduce if a film starring Oscar winner Jeff Bridges is worth your time, patience and hard-earned lucre.

Almost without exception, the quality of the finished feature will be inversely proportional to the extravagance of his character's facial hair and the thickness of the preposterous accent.

In Sergei Bodrov's special effects-laden swords and sorcery romp, Bridges sports a dense shaggy beard to match a dishevelled mane and chews on every single line of dialogue in Charles Leavitt and Steven Knight's script as if he has a toffee stuck between his teeth.

The exaggerated performance and eye-catching appearance are a cheap distraction from a flimsy plot laden with unintentional hilarious dialogue and curious leaps in logic.

He plays Master John Gregory, the last remaining knight of a noble and mystical order called the Spooks, who defend humanity by containing the creatures of the dark.

He imprisons a powerful witch called Mother Malkin (Julianne Moore, below) but the rise of a Blood Moon empowers the diabolical hag, who transforms into a dragon and escapes confinement.

Basingstoke Gazette:

Gregory and his current apprentice Billy Bradley (Kit Harington) attempt to contain the witch but their heroic efforts culminate in tragedy.

As Malkin's powers grow, Gregory visits the home of Malcolm and Mam Ward (Timothy Webber, Olivia Williams) and he offers the parents a small fortune to train their boy Tom (Ben Barnes) - the seventh son of a seventh son - as his new apprentice.

The Wards agree and Mam bids farewell to her boy by asking him to wear her pendant.

"Everything you need is inside you - don't be afraid to look," she tells Tom cryptically.

The young man begins his tutelage in earnest, aided by Gregory's troll-like friend Tusk (John DeSantis).

Meanwhile, Malkin despatches her niece, Alice (Alicia Vikander), to spy on the Spook and his protege as she gathers together her most trusted allies including her fierce lieutenant Urag (Jason Scott Lee) and blade-wielding warlock Radu (Djimon Hounsou).

Based on The Spook's Apprentice by Joseph Delaney, Seventh Son is a lumbering fantasy adventure that neglects to put the super in supernatural.

Barnes (below) is a bland hero, who valiantly keeps a straight face opposite Bridges' incessant mumbling, while Vikander looks radiant in a thankless role as the love interest torn between the forces of light and dark.

Basingstoke Gazette:

Moore, who recently won the Academy Award for Still Alice, slinks through each frame, huskily whispering camp lines like, "I like boys", without a hint of menace.

Russian director Bodrov salves some of the pain with a series of bombastic action sequences replete with flying dragons, wicked witches and an ill-tempered ogre-like creature called a boggart with an acute sense of smell.

The monster's on-screen rage must be a violent reaction to the stink of Seventh Son.

4/10

Damon Smith