MY parents have managed to remain married for 43 years. But - and it’s a big but - my mother is now officially retired and they will have to go back to sharing house space full-time.

As much I dream of them savouring long congenial lunches, using their free bus passes, touring the country and happily growing older together, I fear it’s going to be more like a war zone in which my father defends his many stacks of assorted papers and books and folders, and my mother attempts to clear up, clear out and spring clean the place – all year round.

All this will be somewhat of a rude awakening for poor old Dad, as he has enjoyed a year of retirement all on his own. He has, after making Mum her breakfast and dispatching her to work each day, been free to potter at will, eat what he wants, have a sneaky snooze on the sofa if and when he so desires, and generally revel in being the master of his domain until approximately 5.30pm.

The major issue is that he is a total hoarder, and has piles upon piles of things which have managed, over the years, to encroach on almost every single room of the house.

There are little screws or turnkeys or piles of change or DVDs or novels or boxes of cadet paraphernalia everywhere, and one of the only reasons I have been allowed to keep my childhood bedroom intact is that my Mum believes it keeps Dad out of there. He’s too scared of my wrath to start invading the room that’s haunted by my stroppy teenage self.     

From now on, things will all be rather different for him.

Thankfully, Mum does enjoy rather prolonged lie-ins, so he’ll escape harassment in mornings generally, but once she’s up and about, there will be tasks set, suggestions (criticisms) made and issues ordered, which is quite a daunting prospect. 

I am sure domestic crimes will be reported swiftly by phone and both my brother and myself will be dragged into the debates, contacted for support about various incidents and their traumatic outcomes.

I am suggesting that Mum spends as much time doing things outside the home as possible. She has volunteered to work in a charity shop for a few days a week, and will also volunteer at our church, which is open to tourists all year round as it’s a 17 th century cathedral.

There will have to be some patience, perseverance, biting of tongues and such. And, appropriately, they will have to remember that silence is golden in order to reach their golden anniversary.

Let the fireworks begin...